Those of you that have been reading my blog for a long period of time, know that I struggle with depression. Gripping, life halting depression that was magnified by becoming a mother. I have ups and downs which makes things worse because you never know what your gonna get. Lately I have been more down than up.
In the past two years, I have lost friends because of my depression. Friends that I have been close to for YEARS have bailed on me which has hurt me to no end. I admit...I am flaky. I am non-committal. I don't call you back. The list goes on and on. Thankfully, I do have some great friends that "get it." I am sure it is really tough to stand by and be supportive but they do and for that I love them.
The past year has been horrible, really, really bad. To sum it all up, I have wanted out. Out of my marriage, out of my life, OUT! I haven't wanted to hurt myself or anything serious like that but I just wanted to pack up my life and start over. Of course, I would take LG with me because she is my world. The rest of it, I wanted to leave behind.
About a year ago, I received a gift. Two girlfriends from my past came back into my life. Honestly, more than 2 have come back but these 2 have really saved me. These women are hands down my lifesavers. The best part? When they were in my life previously, I would have never said we were "friends." We were never close back then, but now is so different.
They pick me up when I am down. They listen when I need them to and offer suggestions when I ask for them. If I am not online for a whole day, I have voice mails asking if I am OK. They love me unconditionally through my mood swings, my highs and lows. Best of all they make me laugh and laugh at/with me when I feel like I am going crazy. I think I do all the same for them too! I am VERY grateful for them and I want them to know how much of a gift they are.
The thing I will leave you with is: If you have a friend that struggles with depression, it isn't about you. They aren't flaky on purpose and they don't mean to hurt you. The best thing you can do is support them, hold their hand when they just need to cry (which happens a lot), hug them and let them know you are there. Try and understand even though it is so tough. Dooce does a great job of writing about depression and her word express so much of what I feel. I would urge you to read her to help you better understand.
Monday, October 19, 2009
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3 comments:
Thanks for this post. I've struggled with depression for a very, very long time. I have a blog about it. I know exactly how you feel. I've lost many friends too because of the same things. Thanks again for sharing this! It's nice to know I'm not alone. You are awesome. I am so glad that you have those friends. They are hard to come by I've learned.
I had horrible pp depression after Cate was born. And when I would talk about it in my moms group I got the huh..ok".. responses more than anything. As in "she's actually talking about it? you shouldn't talk about that".. I wish it was more acceptable to be open about that stuff and I think it's getting to be more and more. But I realized I had to leave it behind in order to move forward. The friends I kept were the ones who seemed to try to understand. And who were supportive about my being on medication for it. The one things it's really done is made me better able to recognize it in friends and be more supportive than I might have been in the past (the "it's not you" think you mentioned). Im more persistent with finding out how friends/family are doing than I was before. I went off my medication for this pregnancy and I worry every day that specific things are signs that Im relapsing. And I plan to go back on my medication immediately after I give birth, unless the stars align and I don't have a billion breastfeeding issues like I did with Grace and Cate both. I know my limitations better now and the best thing I can do for all 3 of my babies is take care of myself so I can take care of them. Thanks for writing about this. It's not talked about enough in my opinion.
Thanks for sharing your struggles in life.I know how difficult it is..cause I do experienced it,a lot of challenges that came to my life but I keep on praying that someday when I wake up I pass all those difficulties..In God's will step by step I overcome it..I am in the stage of recovery now.I trust our almighty that he will not leave me and I do some things that could forget my problem even in a while try to check this ZHU ZHU PETS -DID YOU KNOW?
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