Mrs. Freitas!

I miss being Mrs. Freitas. I am mom, mommy, mama, Lia, and Li. My mom calls me sis. I have had a million names I have answered to but the one I miss most is "Mrs. Freitas." At the golf club, I am called Mrs. Freitas by some of the staff and that feels really weird to me because it makes me feel old. What I miss are the 8 year olds I used to teach calling out for me.

It has been 4 years since I have been in the classroom. I have missed it almost as long. I loved being a teacher, although I probably bitched about it a lot. My teaching partners were the best EVER and I miss them. Of course, there are days when I can't imagine working full time but other days it is ALL I can think of. Which is why I am looking to finally go back.

Some of you that have known me for a long time know that all I ever really wanted to be was a mom. I wanted to stay home because my mom never got to do so and it was very important to me to be able to do so. The first year was great! Since then though, it has been really hard for me. My life has become all about taking care of others. I take care of LG all day. I take care of our house and my husband also. I have not, however, been taking care of ME. I have been miserable for a really long time.

I have stuck it out because it was a commitment made to myself and my family but I feel like it is really time to do what is right for me. If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. I am hoping to head back, of course, right as education is suffering HUGE budget cuts. The good thing is that I don't have to go back so if I don't find something I will be ok. The bad thing is that I am not lucky enough to be able to afford a nanny or full-time day care without a job so if I find something later it may be more difficult to find somewhere for LG to be. I figure I will cross that bridge when I get to it.

Until I find something, keep us in your thoughts. The is a really tough step for me. Even though I am excited and looking forward to being Mrs. Freitas again, I am a bit fearful.